Dream Awake

*late post*

Underneath the smiles, the laughs, the pretty clothes & the pretty shoes is a miserable little girl. Well, at least in one aspect of her life.

My job has always been a bone of contention between myself and my mom. Not because she hates my job and I don’t. We BOTH think I can do better. I don’t like my job. I can go as far as saying I hate it. Thing is, I just don’t like being pressured to find something else. Being pressured, in general, actually.

Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point is, that time has come that I should be pressured to find another job.

The last several months in my workplace has been pure and utter hell. OK, not really. But it wasn’t smooth sailing either. My plan when I accepted this job, was to leave a year after. Three years later and I’m still there, feeling stuck and miserable. I guess it’s my own fault. I should’ve looked harder. I should’ve accepted that The One School offer, even if it means leaving my boss abruptly. I should’ve been less tamad and more aggressive. I should have opened up to my family sooner. I should have listened to my brother and my mother. I can continue with the should-haves but it’s not going to change anything.

My boss and I are….how to say it? Not in the best terms right now. She’s disappointed with my work, as am I. She’s pissed off she has to deal with me on top of everything else she has on her plate and I’m pissed off that she’s not handling this like I know the way it should.

My family had no idea. Now they do. After 3 years (and 1 month, let’s not forget that), I’ve finally told my parents and my brother (who’s in HR) my work problems.

The outpouring of support, encouragement and love not only from my family but from my friends as well makes me cry so hard I feel like I’m watching Hachiko.

But my journey is not yet over. I still need to tender my resignation in a graceful & tactful manner and not “freak” my boss out. I still need to find another, much better job. I’ve still got a long way to go.

You know what? I’m gonna be just fine.

*late post*

In a Pretty Little Liars episode I watched a few weeks ago, Caleb is saying goodbye to Hanna. He’s off to wherever and she’s crying; her mascara runs as he says he’ll call her tomorrow. He turns back when she whispers I love you. She goes to him, hugs him and kisses him after he whispers it back.

It’s the perfect, heartbreaking small-screen goodbye scene. And there I was, replacing Caleb with him and Hanna with me. With a few additional ridiculously cheesy dialogue, of course.

Then something clicks in your head and you remember, vividly, exactly what happened. And, that’s not how it happened. Not at all.

You haven’t seen him for years then he suddenly pops out of Facebook wanting to see you because he’s coming back for a visit. You leave a message, you text, you make plans and finally (finally!) meet up on a Saturday, in a noisy club, with 3 dozen of his other friends (its his 25th). You get to “talk” when you tell him you’re leaving and you actually start believing all the things (read: bullshit) he’s said. 

You keep texting each other. You see each other again after a few days. On your own this time. But the “date” hasnt even started and he’s already disappointing you. You go to his condo anyway, pick him up and go to dinner. You talk for a bit. You eat a bit. You drink (a lot). You go to another bar and drink a bit more. You’re definitely feeling a bit (a lot) touchy-feely now, holding hands and hugging and whatnot. You go back to his condo. 

“…”

He takes you downstairs and makes you take a cab home. On your own. At one in the morning.

The bubble pops, the dream fizzles out and you’re left with the realization that….

He was just a guy on vacation and I was just part of his to-do list.

thatfunnyblog:

http://thatfunnyblog.tumblr.com/

HAHAHA. guilty.

(Source: ifeelmytimehascome)